I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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