Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
