The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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