i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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