I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Will exercising make me less horny?
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