and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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