The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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