apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
