There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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