wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
