i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
