it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
