He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
