he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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