I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Are my feet made of real feet?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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