Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
