my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
