respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
