well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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