omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
