she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
