she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
