You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
