I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
