Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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