How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
how drunk are you?
Several
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
