have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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