I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry my hands just texted you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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