I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
