She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
