he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
