I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
