Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
