bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
