do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
