Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize