Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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