I'm really into asian looking animals
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
