Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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