I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Welp...herpes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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