my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
