Too much gin, very little bucket
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
