***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
