BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
