i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
