I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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