My sheets look like a crime scene.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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