Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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