he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
