Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
