I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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