Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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