but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
