I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
