i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
