what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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