I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
