BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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