You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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