hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
