wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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