I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
