i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
