Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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