there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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