At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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