looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
