whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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