Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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