You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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