I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We smell like vodka and hangover
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