I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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