so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
