You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
