3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
