Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
