And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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