I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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