guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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