Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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