I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
