Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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