Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
