I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
