My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
