1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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