Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
