if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
