He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
