I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize