me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
