I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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