I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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