how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
where does the pee come out of this thing
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
