ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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