Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i out mim tonsoeep
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