I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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