is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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