IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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