do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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