I'm drive I can fine osifer
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
